What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 00:10
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My life is so biszare .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
What is the story behind bhai dooj?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why do all the stupid people think Donald J. Trump is stupid?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But, we were locked up after school.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
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I don,t even have a pension.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
How was your JEE 2024 result like?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
How is a narcissist likely to handle situations when confronted with hard truths about themselves?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
In your humble opinion, why does the narcissist mistake kindness for weakness in some people?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
How do I get over a long-term relationship breakup?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
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We all went to grammer schools
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
(And it was in our own minds.)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
What song are you listening to right now? What does it mean to you?
Was to survive, this bastard.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why don't people like Nickelback?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So, i spoilt her more .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Put me off passion for life!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But it wasn’t much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When she asked me how she looked .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My family never makes their pension either.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She married twice! .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I waited trembling.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Ive learnt so much.
She found it foreign!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Who then, do I blame.?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
This is soul school!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I think the readers, may guess!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I couldn’t, believe it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was in good health!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We were not on the streets..
So whats the point in blame.
I was scared of men, in general
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What did i know ?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I have no regrets .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I said to her
Im still living with it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was 9 years of age.
And i lived it daily.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One cannot live in the past .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But ive been too sick for many years..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She wouldn,t have been !
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It was going to be , some day.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I will be 64.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She loved him until the end.
I was seconnd youngest,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I write beautiful poetry .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
All the time i was locked up.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was very sick at this time too.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Would this be the day?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Comes on , in middle age.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He knew the spot.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Especially a lifetime of it.